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My Melt Down Realization

November 23, 2010

Last night I squeezed in a 30 minute elliptical work out and some abs after work. Then I ran to Whole Foods to get all the ingredients for my dishes this week. Here’s what I’m making:

  • For Chili Night on Wednesday: Meatless Winter Chili from the newest issue of Rachael Ray magazine. It looks like a good hearty vegetarian option that even the meat eaters will like. Last year I made a great chili with boca burger in it and no one could tell it was meatless! This one features more mushroom and zucchini, and hopefully it’s just as good.

[Funny story – my chili last year would have won the contest, but once my brothers figured out it was mine & therefore was vegetarian, they starting writing in votes that just said “not Clare’s”. Gotta love brothers. ]

What are you making this week?



I didn’t get home until pretty late, so I just heated up some of the Butternut Squash & Lentil Stew I had frozen from a few weeks ago. Only one of these guys left!! Dessert was my last Deep Chocolate Vitatop.  


I didn’t sleep very well last night – my mind was racing with all the things I have to do this week. But I knew that getting up for at least a small work out would keep me sane. I didn’t have the energy for running, but I did 30 minutes on the elliptical, 15 on the stair stepper, and some lunges/squats/bicep curls etc. 

  • Does it make sense that I didn’t feel like I could run, but I could manage to do 45 minutes of other cardio? I’m sure its just a mental thing that I need to get over, but does anyone else think certain cardio takes more out of them than others?




This is what I was GOING to wear out to dinner in NYC on Friday night. But since I didn’t end up going, I decided to make use of the outfit today….or I was too lazy to pick out a new one. You be the judge.

I’m frustrated that Urban doesn’t sell these BDG skinnies anymore! I get SO much use out of them and would love to get them in other colors. Anyone know how I can do it?

I am also wearing my new sparkly headband from my shopping spree at Forever 21.



This is what my pumpkin yogurt breakfasts actually look like after I mix them up. And I used my new baby spoon – very festive and perfect for little bites 🙂

I purposely didn’t bring my lunch today because I want to get a massive veggie salad from our cafeteria at work. I don’t have all the stuff to make one at home, so I decided to just buy one. My body is craving the nutrients!

In other news, my Whole Foods got ONE normal flavor of Justin’s PB packets back – Honey Peanut Butter. The rest are still chocolate flavors. But it’s better than nothing, I guess!


So last night I had a melt down.

I was exhausted from a long day at work, still not feeling very well, frustrated with my lack of time to work out, and super stressed about how I was going to fit in everything this week. I don’t mean to complain – I know you guys are all going through the same busy Holiday period as me – but this is my first time dealing with it in the real world!

After spending lots of time finding recipes, making grocery lists, running to the store, and deciding when I was going to have time to cook, I ran into a road block with my mother. She told me that I wasn’t going to be able to cook at certain times, that food needed to be ready earlier than I had expected, and all together just kinda threw my planning for a loop.

On top of that, it started pouring down rain and my grocery bags broke, leaving me sitting in the driveway, soaking wet, with armfuls of apples and tomatoes. It was straight from a movie.

Of course I ended up in tears and shouting things that no good Catholic girl should ever say. And what makes it worse is that I knew  I was being unreasonable!  The new timing and schedule shouldn’t have been that big of a deal, but I was already so tired and stressed that these changes were the last straw.

But after laying awake thinking about my melt down, I came to a dissapointing realization:

This is primarily a result of my eating issues.

One of the main things I’m stressed out about right now is that I don’t have time to make good workouts a priority. After a weekend of overeating, drinking too much, and not exercising due to illness, I’m feeling a little bit doughy. And knowing that the heavy on the eating, light on the moving trend will continue this week does not help at all.

If I had come into this stressful week feeling great about my body and happy with my nutrition and exercise, none of this would seem that bad. And I hate that. I hate how I let my eating and body issues control other aspects of my life.

But now that I know it, I can take steps to fix it. I am squeezing in little work outs when I can, and also reminding myself that it is not the end of the world. This is a time for family and celebration, and whatever little stomach pudge I think I have right now can be addressed later.

It’ll be fine. It always is.

16 Comments leave one →
  1. November 23, 2010 11:58 am

    ummm clare? you know what kind of grocery bags don’t break? reuseable ones! and don’t worry about the lack of workouts this week too much. it sucks, but it happens no matter how you try to avoid it. every year. i’m used to it by now. come to turbokick on friday!!!

  2. November 23, 2010 12:37 pm

    SO true about different types of cardio being easier than others. I feel like I could do the elliptical for an eternity, but running? No thanks. (I can also blame this on my dance-induced chronic tendinitis that is supposed to prohibit me from running anyway – a convenient excuse.) Also, the elliptical means I don’t have to leave my apartment, which is handy.

  3. November 23, 2010 12:51 pm

    Wow, your brothers seem awesome!

  4. November 23, 2010 1:01 pm

    I could do the eliptical for 20 minutes and it feels like 3 but running I totally notice the time, especially when I’m not in the mood to work out.

    Don’t beat yourself up though, your a gorgeous girl and clearly have a great head on your shoulders, everyone deserves a day to be upset about the little things, sometimes you need it.

    I agree about reuseable bags though, hop on that train! Where I live plastic grocery bags are banned, our stores don’t even carry them lol!

  5. November 23, 2010 1:01 pm

    Awww sorry to hear about your meltdown! Guilt is so difficult to deal with and it takes super small baby steps. I hope you’ll have an amazing holiday which makes everything worth it though :)!

    I love that headband! I have a similar one (though not so big) also from Forever21. It’s faboulous ;).

    It’s funny, running sometimes seems sooo easy and sometimes sooo difficult to me.

  6. November 23, 2010 2:07 pm

    There is definitely a connection between working out and feeling good about myself and not working out and thinking I’ve magically put on 5 pounds. When this happens, I know that I haven’t actually put 5 pounds on, I just feel crummy. Oh, and it usually happens that I’m feeling stressed out when I have these feelings anyway. It’s all connected! Try to take it easy and you will feel better soon, I know it.

  7. squigglefloey permalink
    November 23, 2010 2:42 pm

    Aw, sometimes breakdowns are necessary. You just need to get it out and realize why so many things are bothering you. It’s totally normal though — especially during this time of the year. Everyone’s going nuts and trying to cater to everyone else and take care of themselves in the process.
    Hang in there 🙂

  8. Kristin permalink
    November 23, 2010 6:44 pm

    you completely put all of the internal struggles that i have been dealing with for the last 3 days into words. i, just like you, have been eating a lot of foods i am uncomfortable with and having fewer quality work outs. as a result, i have gained about 3 pounds and am feeling VERY uncomfortable. in fact, it has brought me to tears on a few occasions over the last few days. i absolutely hate that i let my diet, exercise, and weight affect me so much but the reality is that it does. as you mentioned, it stresses me out even more that the next few days will be days of over indulgence and decreased exercise. to get me out of my bad mood and allow myself to enjoy the holiday and time with my family, i have determined that i must realize this is only a small segment of life and not the big picture. no matter what damage i have done and will do in the next few days, there is PLENTY of time to go back to my normal routine and make up for it. we just have to take a step back, relax, ENJOY life, and realize that normalcy will come in a matter of days. sorry for the novel and thank you for your honesty– i LOVE your blog.

    ps: if it is any consolation, when i began reading this post and saw you in your adorable outfit i thought to myself “oh my goodness she looks so great—what a thin physique and great legs!” hehe 🙂

  9. November 24, 2010 6:35 am

    Aw Clare.. I completely understand what you are going through. As everyone is telling you in the previous posts, you are so pretty/thin and one week of a little more indulgence is definitely allowed in life. I have the same anxiety issues with food and exercise. You just have to keep reminding yourself that it is OK that this week is an “off” week, and you’ll get back on track with no problem. I always remind myself that certain things come up in life that come second to my workouts and my eating routines. I agree with Michelle above – when you are working out and eating right, you feel great and when you’re not, you think you’ve automatically put weight on. Don’t stress!! Sorry I just completely rambled here. Happy Thanksgiving!

  10. November 24, 2010 8:44 am

    Let me know how the chili turns out! Im looking for a good vegetarian chili that i can fool my boyfriend into eating… he’s very… anti vegetarian 😉 Ive been dying to use my crock pot but i haven’t found any great recipes to try out.
    Your outfit is SO CUTE, the outfit i plan on wearing tm is very similar! and i have ALMOST the same headband from forever21! but i think its just on a different band its so cute and i havent even had a chance to wear it yet!

    I totally understand the stresses you are going through, when things you take time to plan out just wont work and you feel lost. You’ll get through it and feel awesome … (sorry for the cliche response) You’ll work it out! Have a GREAT DAY

  11. November 24, 2010 7:05 pm

    Your outfit is very cute and I love the headband! This is the first time reading your blog so I don’t know much about you but if you don’t already practice yoga regularly you should give it a try. Even just 10 minutes a day helps me feel more connected to my body and less stressed. If you’re anything like me it’s more about feeling like you’re loosing control than simply missing a workout. Take time to be good to yourself especially when you’re stressed 🙂 And there’s nothing wrong with a breakdown now and then- let it out, shake it off and get back to being the wonderful girl you know you are!

  12. Sarah permalink
    January 3, 2011 3:41 pm

    Hey Clare! I understand where you’re coming from–entering full-time work and trying to balance all the elements of a personal life is surprisingly challenging!

    Have noticed that it can be frustrating after leaving college when things that previously seemed so easy, natural or obvious are suddenly hard–experiencing fear, even terror over the simplest things sometimes! Makes me happy to see that you are able to keep things so organized, you’re a great example for the rest of us!

    These may be cheesy, but I like them because they are useful 😉

    – The more you try, the greater amount of failure you are likely to experience–and the greater amount of success. Better to reach 90% of your potential with plenty of mistakes than only 10% with a perfect score.
    – Each time you run the race and fail to finish first, examine your progress. Success is coming in fourth, exhausted, but excited because you cam in fifth last time.
    – Grow, take risks, move forward. Growth demands a temporary suspension of security. Successful and unsuccessful people vary less in their abilities than in their desire to reach their potential.
    – The most notable winners usually experience heartbreaking obstacles before they triumph. They refuse to be discouraged by defeat. The price of success is perseverance.

    Soldier on! xox

    • Sarah permalink
      January 3, 2011 3:45 pm

      Two typos–

      * Entering full-time work and trying to balance all the elements of a personal life are surprisingly challenging.
      * Each time you run the race and fail to finish first, examine your progress. Success is coming in fourth, exhausted, but excited because you came in fifth last time.


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