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Monday Man-Day: A Chick’s Guide To Baseball

March 28, 2011

Hi Guys! Since I’m a HUGE baseball fan, I thought Monday Man-Day this week should be dedicated to the start of the season. Opening Day is Thursday!! (information to impress your guy with #1)  I learned a lot about baseball from sitting through games and asking my brothers questions without stop. Except when they about smacked me for being so annoying. But now you don’t have to worry about asking questions or sounding stupid the next time you’re watching a game with your guy – here is a chick’s guide to baseball.

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Clare has asked me to do a Monday Man-Day write-up for Opening Day (enough days in there?) Baseball is America’s past time and also the best sport in the world. Some people say it’s slow, but that’s only because they don’t understand all the thinking that goes into every pitch. There are strategies for everything, as well as statistics to back it up. But another beautiful part of baseball is that its one of the few sports left where it doesn’t always matter how big and strong you are; it mostly matters if you have good hand eye coordination.

 I have followed baseball my entire life. My great grand father played professionally for the St. Louis Browns, Boston Red Sox and Washington Senators and that love of baseball has trickled down through my grandmother to my father to us kids. I have played my entire life and still play, but I am here today to try to explain why some people (me), can be upset about something as small as hitting a ground ball out to the wrong side of the field. As some of you might know, the point of baseball is to score more runs than the other team. As John Madden says, “I think the team that scores more today has a really good chance of winning.” However, there are many ways to go about winning. Most people think of homeruns, cause everyone knows that chicks dig the long ball. But a good pitching duel or bunting a guy to 3rd base for a sacrifice fly can be just as entertaining if you pay attention the entire game.

http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/72233/nike_chicks_dig_the_long_ball.swf
Nike – Chicks Dig The Long BallThe best bloopers are a click away

While some people think that baseball is slow, they have to think about the fact that hitting a round ball going 90+ mph with movement, with a round bat is the hardest thing to do in sports. (information to impress your guy with #2) You have .4 seconds to determine where the ball is going, how fast it is moving, if you should swing, and then to actually swing. Just for comparison sake, the normal amount of time it takes to blink is about .3 seconds, so that’s how long it takes for the ball to leave the pitchers hand to get to home plate. And just for your information, a fastball in the major leagues that is going 90+ miles per hour usually sinks about 4-7 inches and tails 7-10 inches from where is starts, that’s a lot of movement for .4 seconds.  (information to impress your guy with #3) All this is why the best players in the game still only do their job 30% of the time, meaning they have a .300 batting average.

Now the best thing you can do as a player is not make an out. So the most important statistic for a batter is OBP, or on-base percentage, the percentage of time you make it on any base safely. (information to impress your guy with #4)  People usually look at batting average as the best thing, but now you can be like, “Oh no girl friend, batting average is all nice and stuff, but on-base percentage is like the Gucci hand bag of baseball.” And then make sure to snap in their face for effect. Also, people usually tend to undervalue defense in baseball, cause as we all know chicks dig the long ball. So next time you see someone come up to hit and they are batting .230 but play shortstop, it means they must be really helping the team defensively, or have some dark secret about the team’s manager.

The other great thing about baseball is eating at the ball park. When people used to go to baseball games it was hot dogs, cracker jacks and beer. However, now stadiums are getting all fancy. They have buffets with salad and carving stations, and make your own pizzas, and fancy 3 chocolate lava cake deserts. However, some minor league stadiums have gone the other direction. They have cheese burgers using Krispy Kreme donuts for buns (at the Gateway Grizzlies stadium near St. Louis). Or Grand Rapids Michigan minor league team has the Fifth Third Burger. It is 5 beef patties, 5 slices of cheese, a cup of chili, salsa, corn chips, nacho ingredients and more. It also is $20 and has 4889 calories and 299 grams of fat. Nothing says baseball like a heart attack. DELICIOUS!

Unlike other sports, baseball players can be over weight and out of shape. Just like John Kruk here, because nothing says baseball like a beer gut and a mullet. But John Kruk also had unique hand eye coordination, and therefore could hit a baseball. Babe Ruth famously ate hot dogs and drank beer after every game. And while he had to have someone run the bases for him at the end of his career, he could still hit the ball 500 feet. And David Wells famously said he went out drinking hard the night before he threw a perfect game and was either still drunk or really hung over while he was pitching. (information to impress you guy with #5)

So, I hope this gives you a little insight into the intricacies of baseball. Next time you go to the stadium you can show off your knowledge and start throwing around words like on-base percentage and sacrifice bunt, and really have no idea what they actually mean, but if you say it in the right tone no one will question you. Also, while some don’t care about baseball at all, just think of opening day as the beginning of summer, and everyone loves that. GO CARDINALS!!

-Halfwombat

  • Who is your favorite baseball team?
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12 Comments leave one →
  1. Abby permalink
    March 28, 2011 2:40 pm

    Great post! I am so excited for opening day! (Go Yankees!) My boyfriend is an assistant coach for the college team here so baseball is becoming a huge part of my life!

  2. March 28, 2011 2:42 pm

    Great post! I used to be a braves fan, but my boyfriend of a year is a HUGE yankees fan so I’m starting to convert!

  3. March 28, 2011 2:49 pm

    Loved the post!!! I’m also a huge baseball fan, and so is my fiancé. Since moving to Philadelphia, I’ve become a Phillies fan. I actually moved here a month before they won the 2008 World Series. They’re a hard team to not like, especially when 2 of my favorite players (Roy Halladay and Cliff Lee) play for them. However, I have to admit that I cheer for the Pirates. I’m a born-and-bred Pittsburgh fan, even if they’re the worst team ever!

  4. March 28, 2011 2:49 pm

    I’m also really looking forward to baseball season starting! While football is probably my favorite sport, having only 16 games in the regular season makes each one so damned stressful! With baseball, it’s no biggie if you lose that one game, because you have 161 other ones to make up for it. That makes for a lot more relaxing game experience, in my opinion.

    And I agree – eating at the ballpark is half the fun. Even though Red Sox tickets are crazy expensive, I highly recommend going to a game at Fenway Park (America’s Most Beloved Ballpark!) if you haven’t already. Definitely no salad bars or carving stations… plenty of hot dogs and Sam Adams though!

  5. March 28, 2011 2:51 pm

    Fun post! I’m from Northern VA, so I grew up loving Cal Ripken, Brady Anderson and all things Orioles 🙂 I still love baseball, but now I root for the Nationals (I know, I know..) I just love the atmosphere of going to an MLB game! And when I’m there – I MUST get a hotdog (or two…) 😉

  6. March 28, 2011 3:51 pm

    My husband has a partial season ticket to the Nationals. I used to have one, too, but it’s too hard for me to make it to that many games. I usually go to 5-10 a season. I like to keep score. NERD ALERT!

  7. March 28, 2011 4:05 pm

    I love baseball too! Giants, babyy!

  8. March 28, 2011 4:24 pm

    i LOVE BASEBALL! i used to play and ever since i was 7 yrs old I would watch it on tv for fun! i go with the Angels!! hometown-wo!

  9. March 28, 2011 4:53 pm

    haha, i love baseball! i watched my brothers play for almost 10 years but sadly they don’t anymore…it was fun times though! now i need to go to a game, it’s been almost 2 years!

  10. Kate permalink
    March 28, 2011 4:58 pm

    Awesome post…too funny! GO REDS!!

  11. March 28, 2011 8:37 pm

    i love baseball!! 🙂 i grew up in wisconsin, so i’ve always been a brewers fan! although i WILL cheers for the cardinals when they aren’t playing the brewers since i was forced to cheer for them during all 4 years of undergrad in st. louis.

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