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Regret, Fear, and Faith

May 6, 2011

This is kind of awkward to write about on the blog, but you guys follow along with my debatably entertaining life every day and I knew I’d get questions eventually.

Alex and I broke up.

Yes that is why you fantastic friends were sending me twitter hugs on Wednesday night:) Thanks for those. The break up was mutual and very amicable. I don’t want to go into detail, but the distance just became too much and with no end to it in sight it made the most sense to end the relationship. I think it was the right decision for both of us right now.

Even though the break up was mutual, it is still hard. My three strongest emotions right now are regret, fear, and faith.

Regret – I anticipated the feeling of regret before we even broke up, and I think it’s only natural. The phrase “you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone” is very true. I know this was the right thing to do and I have to constantly remind myself of the reasons that brought me here, but I can’t help but question myself. What was I thinking? I totally took this relationship for granted! I want to take the time and money to visit him as much as I can. I want to put forth everything I have to make this work. The only thing that can make me feel better right now is for him to hold me.

Fear – It’s unnerving to go from the stability of a relationship to the the unknown of single life. It’s exciting, yes, but also scary. I fear that I wont find anyone as good as him. That I won’t find someone that will go to Church with me on Sundays.  Someone that will accept my eating disordered past and won’t think it’s weird that I have a blog. I don’t know if I’ll find someone that will go to baseball games with me and that shares my love of Notre Dame.

Faith – Whenever I get caught up in my fears, I remind myself to have faith. I trust that God has a plan and that something better is in store for me. I know that I deserve the best and that eventually I will find it. Perhaps later on with Alex, perhaps with someone else that is going to come my way. But I know that I will find something that makes me so infinitely happy that I will laugh about ever thinking it impossible.

Thanks to everyone for their sweet comments, listening ears, and words of wisdom. Break ups are always hard, but I like to view any relationship as a learning experience that will help us find what we truly want down the road. Love you!

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39 Comments leave one →
  1. May 6, 2011 2:12 pm

    I went through a very similar breakup – long distance long term relationship.

    But it’s funny how things work out… keep your chin up trust in whatever God has in store for you.

    Have a wonderful weekend!

  2. May 6, 2011 2:16 pm

    Sorry to hear about that 😦 Hugs!

  3. Emily permalink
    May 6, 2011 2:17 pm

    I’m sorry you are going through a break up right now. Venturing into the unknown is scary, but sometimes the unknown is also exciting! Your ability to keep your chin up and be so mature, positive and honest during such a difficult time is inspiring to everyone! 🙂

  4. May 6, 2011 2:24 pm

    I’ve been going through lots of similar emotions with the coach. He and I broke up in October, but after staying incredibly close as friends and realizing how much we cared about each other, we tried giving it another go. We had a lot of similar factors – especially the distance – and even though it was incredibly hard, things had just deteriorated so much in the last several weeks that it just wasn’t the right relationship for either of us. It hurt a lot to accept it, but it’s something that gets a little easier each day, as hokey as that sounds. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through something similar, but just let yourself wallow in it until you feel ready to move on, and you’ll be on with your fabulous life in good time…hang in there girl!

  5. Abby permalink
    May 6, 2011 2:24 pm

    Sorry to hear about you and Alex! You are so right about God having a plan for you–everything happens for a reason! Keep your head up lady! 🙂

  6. May 6, 2011 2:24 pm

    Awwww so sorry to hear 😦 It will all work out in the end…. You just keep head and fait held high! God will hold you through this and will also bless you with someone great. I know no amount of sweet words can fix the pain but just know it will all work out for your good 🙂

  7. May 6, 2011 2:25 pm

    Breakups are never easy but thankfully you have a lot of amazing things going for you–most importantly your faith! I don’t doubt that it will carry you through this tough time–hang in there girl! 🙂

  8. May 6, 2011 2:30 pm

    Sending hugs your way 🙂 Remember, everything happens for a reason!

  9. May 6, 2011 2:55 pm

    Aw Clare, I’m sorry! Breakups are never easy even if they are agreed upon as the best thing. Ryan and I went through a rough patch a couple of months ago that resulted in a breakup and although we worked it out, it’s still a work in progress

    • May 6, 2011 2:56 pm

      Didnt mean to press reply yet! You’re a very string girl whose been through a lot of things, and you’ll come out of this on the other side stronger!

  10. May 6, 2011 3:03 pm

    I’m sorry to hear about this. 😦 You will find some of those things, maybe all of them. You will find someone who will go to church with you and who doesn’t think you’re weird (or rather, likes that you’re weird!). He may not love baseball, and he may not like Notre Dame, but you know what? Those things are YOU, and they may be things that you share with your parents, your friends, and your children instead. My husband hates country music. I never would have thought I could marry a guy who hates country music. And he never thought he could marry a girl who doesn’t like football. But there you go. 🙂

    Breakups are scary and painful, but they are also full of hope and endless possibility.

  11. May 6, 2011 3:09 pm

    Aww im sorry! Break ups are SO hard even when its the right thing to do..hang in there ut gets easier with time

  12. squigglefloey permalink
    May 6, 2011 3:30 pm

    love + hugs ❤

  13. May 6, 2011 3:37 pm

    we are here for you Claire- im sending you a great big hug right NOW!

  14. May 6, 2011 4:00 pm

    Aw girl, I’m so sorry 😦 All breakups, no matter how necessary they are in the long term, suck. A lot. Sending you big hugs- you WILL get through this and you WILL find someone who makes you just as happy. I know it’s the biggest cliche ever, but time really does heal everything 🙂 And until then, we’re all here for you!

  15. May 6, 2011 4:06 pm

    Oh, Clare. I’m so sorry to hear about this. It will get better – but I understand that it’s hard. I hope you feel better soon!

  16. May 6, 2011 4:10 pm

    😦 you need a cinco de mayo celebration on six de mayo (idk how to spell six in spanish haha) single life is FUN! i know you’re upset now but think about how you have the rest of your life ahead of you and SO much more love to give AND get!

  17. Jess@atasteofconfidence permalink
    May 6, 2011 4:24 pm

    Sending you hugs and my thoughts are with ya- I can relate and I know how it must be hard. ❤

  18. May 6, 2011 4:56 pm

    *HUG*

  19. Katie permalink
    May 6, 2011 5:09 pm

    Wow.. reading though all of these comments it again reminds me of how powerful and wonderful the blogging community is. You are a strong, confident woman and I know that God has great plans for you and your future. Have faith and remember that everything that happens to you is the best thing to happen to you. I know that is very hard to accept but with time everything gets a lot easier 🙂 Much love.

  20. May 6, 2011 5:33 pm

    Ah Clare, I’m sooooooooooo sorry to hear about this. I know how hard it can be. Hugs, and I’m sure you were dealing with it when you were writing the guest blog for mine, so kudos for taking the time to do that too! 🙂 hugs lady; i’m always here if you want to talk!

  21. May 6, 2011 7:18 pm

    I am so sorry to hear about your breakup. I am graduating from college next week, and I have had several friends end a relationship due to distance, difference in life plans, and other reasons. You have a great perspective, and keep the faith! God does have a perfect plan in store for you, and you just have to trust He will carry it out:)

  22. May 6, 2011 7:45 pm

    Awww sweetheart!! I am so sorry to hear this. But I honestly think that if you can look inside your heart and truly realize it was for the best, then it really was! That doesn’t always make it easy though. If you need anything, I’m always here! 🙂 ❤ ❤ XOXO

  23. May 6, 2011 8:12 pm

    I’m sorry you are going through this 😦 My boyfriend and I broke up back in August and it was really hard, especially since we did, and still do, live together. I promise that there is light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s totally understandable that you will be upset for a while. You have all of us!! xoxo

  24. Peanut Butter Bandit permalink
    May 6, 2011 8:20 pm

    Stay strong girl! We all love you! 🙂

  25. May 6, 2011 9:12 pm

    Big big hugs!!! God has a plan for you sister. I know right now it’s hard and scary, but I have faith that great things are in store!! Hang in there!

  26. Kelsey @ Unmitigated Grub permalink
    May 6, 2011 9:35 pm

    awww I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through that! 😦 Sending hugs your way!!!

  27. John Buckley permalink
    May 6, 2011 9:44 pm

    Hang in there kiddo. You will be fine. There’s lots of pain in life for all of us, and holding on to faith is not a bad way to deal with it. Take care, Jack

  28. May 6, 2011 10:02 pm

    As you said everything will work out for the best. It definitely is hard now but it will get easier. I am positive that you will find someone that loves you just the way you are including your past

    When my husband and I first met I had broken up with the boyfriend I moved to Chicago to be with because he had cheated on me. Of course at the time I never thought I would find a good man, boy was I wrong! 🙂

  29. May 6, 2011 10:16 pm

    Aw girl I’m so sorry, that is SO tough. ❤ I can only imagine how you're feeling right now. Keep your chin up; it sounds like you have a good outlook on things and I know you can do it!

    thinking good thoughts & sending cyberhugs

    n

  30. May 6, 2011 11:09 pm

    Just reading this, so sorry 😦

  31. Natalie permalink
    May 6, 2011 11:18 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear about your breakup 😦 hang in there. It’s going to take some time but stay strong and you’ll get through. As you said, God has a plan.

  32. May 7, 2011 12:01 am

    So sorry to hear about this love 😦 I’m going through a similar situation, keep your head up. I keep repeating the mantra “Everything Happens for a Reason” in my head. Thoughts and prayers going your way!! 🙂

  33. Kate permalink
    May 7, 2011 11:53 am

    Oh Clare, I’m so sorry!! There’s no other way to say it, break-ups just suck. Keep smiling, though…I have no doubt you’ll find someone perfect for you 🙂

  34. May 7, 2011 10:49 pm

    I’m so proud of you for having this much insight into yourself, the relationship, the possibilities of your future, etc. You are going to have an amazing, fulfilling life with your intelligence and outlook! I’ve experienced that same fear you described, and I was certain at one point that I wouldn’t meet anyone who would understand me or accept my past (disordered eating, etc), and then in God’s perfect timing, I met Billy. 🙂 Through the sadness and uncertainty of this breakup, you will learn so much about yourself and what you want in a relationship with your future husband…because he’s out there! xo

  35. May 8, 2011 4:05 pm

    You are RIGHT on girl. You work on making your self a better person right now for God while you are single!

    You should really read the book called “I kissed Dating Goodbye” and the sequel, ” Boy meets girl” by Joshua Harris. I reccomend them SO much. They are fabulous!

    Keep your head up girl!

  36. May 9, 2011 7:26 am

    Im so sorry to hear about the break up 😦 I have never been in a true long distance relationship but i can only imagine how hard it must be

  37. May 9, 2011 7:32 am

    Awww.. thats too bad.. Long distance relationships don’t work most of the time anyway. You’re a hot woman, I am sure you will find lots more loves…

    Cheers

  38. May 9, 2011 8:07 am

    so sorry to hear this but follow your heart and it will lead to what you are looking for. long distance is never easy–I was in a very long distance relationship (i was in st. louis-he was in europe!) for way too long before I realized how miserable it was making me. the pain will get better with time so for now focus on yourself and the amazing things in your life!

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